I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
