I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
