I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
