mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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