I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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