I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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