she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
