The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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