woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
