When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
