the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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