Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
