I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
