Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
