think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
