he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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