I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
