Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
