I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
