I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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