After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
