To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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