i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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