at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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