i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
