After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Terrible idea I love it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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