Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
