I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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