so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
