I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
