i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
