so that wasnt chicken after all
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
