youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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