I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
