yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
