I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
