you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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