if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
