also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
