i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As shirtless as possible
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
