My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
