Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's the barista slut.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
