I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
