I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
