the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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