I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
