so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
