She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
