I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
