i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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