She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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