Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
