The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
