Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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