I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
