the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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