We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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