I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
