i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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