I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
