I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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